My People Monday... Officer Steve and Reese Witherspoon!!!

Yep, I have NEW Friends... Officer Steve and Reese Witherspoon!

She was wearing a pink sweater trotting along the road when I noticed her!  Sweet Reese... "Where are your owners?"  I said to myself inside my car leaving Holland, Michigan, where I was speaking a Women's Retreat Saturday!

I had been gone from home for about 3 1/2 weeks leading up to this, so needless to say I was SOOO happy to be getting back to HOME on Saturday!!!  

Well, plans changed when I saw this face!

Introducing... Reese Witherspoon!

I immediately noticed that this tiny, pink sweater wearing Chihuahua was walking on the sidewalk by herself.  I parked the car in the middle of the road when I realized something had to be done.  A bus honked at me, and cars drove right past, but the last thing I wanted was to see this tiny pup be hit by a car!  I motioned for them to go around as I called to her.  She jumped onto the railroad tracks and started running! 

"Gosh, Come ON!"  I yelled.

But she ran faster, and I chased her!  As I ran down railroad tracks, I quickly realized that my car was still running!  I was wearing a dress, blazer, and brown (NON) winter boots from speaking that morning/afternoon!  I must have looked crazy clapping my hands, and yelling for her!

I ran back to my car, jumped in and followed her down the tracks.  I parked my car behind a Vacuum Cleaner Store that was closed, and walked in thigh high snow to her... she continued to run into the woods along a stream near the Hope College Soccer Fields!

The smallest pup, who is literally the size of Mason and Milo's face, was shivering, soooo very skinny, and clearly scared.  I could not get that close as she continued to snarl at me with each step I took.  I have never been bitten by a dog, but I did not want that to happen by a stray dog wearing a pink sweater!

I ran back to my car to turn it off, grab a towel, my phone, and a granola bar.  

As I walked back she snarled again.  I decided pretty quickly we needed to become friends if this was going to work out!  So what better way to be friends with someone than to name them!  The only thing I could think of was Hope (obvi), Mabel (ya know in case I brought her home she needed an M name), and the dog from Legally Blonde!  Haha, Reese Witherspoon it is!

I called the Humane Society, and they directed me to Animal Control.  They said they would send someone out to help because we were by the railroad tracks... Hooray!  I told them I could not pick her up because I thought she might bite me, and about how I decided in order for anyone to get her we had to be friends.  The dispatcher responded with, "Good Luck!"  Haha!

I sat there... In the snow... and told Reese about my life!  I told her about Mason and Milo, and how much I missed them!  I told her I knew she was missed.  I broke apart the granola bar, and at first as I threw them her direction she looked uninterested... until she started to smell the peanuts.  It was then she warmed up, and began to eat.  I still had to keep my distance because any time I would get a little closer she would snarl. 

I sat in the snow, in a dress, for about 45 minutes to an hour.  We waited for help together!

Still unsure of me... We sat here!

The police car drove around one time, but did not see us.  I called back to tell Animal Control he had passed us.  Man, I decided in that moment I would be the WORST on a desert island!  Haha!  (that's a story for a different day!)

The Officer pulled back around, and called to me when he got out of his car, "You must really love dogs!"  Haha, UNDERSTATEMENT of the Century Sir!!!

"What is your name?" I asked as he got closer. 

"Officer Steve," he replied.

"Do you like dogs Officer Steve?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, I have had a hard morning so I am happy to be helping her!" he responded.

Officer Steve and I worked at getting tiny Reese Witherspoon to trust us.  I ran back to my car to get another granola bar, and we fed her together!  Officer Steve told me that he too thought she would bite, that she looked she had been out here a long time, about his own dog, and about his tough morning.  I could not believe what he had seen just that morning... being a Police Officer is a terribly hard job!  (I will continue to pray for what he sees each day!)

I realized something as I sat in the snow, working with Officer Steve, and befriending tiny Reese Witherspoon... Something I think I knew, but know more now by the look that began to change on her face over that time.  

We are all afraid of something.  We all want to give up.  We run away from what could be the best for us because it is scary to trust! 

BUT our God does not walk away from us.  He sits in snow.  He sits in our pain.  He will chase us, run after us, feed us, and try as hard as He can to love us.  And while we snarl, and hide our God waits.  

Believe today that our God is sitting WITH you in whatever is going on.  And He will feed you with warmth and love... tiny pieces of granola bars until you are ready to accept His offer... until you are ready to trust!

Being held in love is so much MORE warm than wandering in the cold in our own tiny pink sweaters!

Let our God hold you today!  Wrap you in His love, and calm your deepest fears... YOU can trust Him!

Officer Steve and Reese Witherspoon all wrapped up!  The Beauty of Trust!

Officer Steve finally got the towel around her, stroked her face gently with his gloves, and picked up tiny Reese!  HE said, "I just don't want her to bite me in the face!"  Haha, my thoughts exactly Officer Steve!  But he was holding her, and we walked out of the snow together... All three of us!

He put her in the back of his car and wrapped his jacket around her!  Officer Steve sweetly asked if I wanted my towel back, but Reese was all wrapped into it!

I said, "No that's okay!  She can have it."

I put my other boots on, and drove home with a warm heart and freezing feet!

Grateful to witness the beauty of trust on a snowy Saturday with Reese Witherspoon and Officer Steve!

Do You Know the Sweetest Truth???

I have been traveling a lot lately.  Which makes my time at home something I savor.  The pleasant way our house smells with Yankee candles at every corner, the way settling into the couch feels, how the dogs will run to the big front window to see what is happening on our street, what time Em & Aud leave, and come home!  I know home... I love home!  I can settle into home in a different way than a hotel room, an airplane seat, or a rental car... Don't even get me started my fury with rental cars lately!  Haha, maybe that is another blog another morning!

Here is what I do know in the midst of details, schedules, and some might argue TOO much coffee.  No matter where I go on this day, my God sees me.  

On this Thursday afternoon would you remember the sweet truth... God is present with you today!  The delightful reality that you are known.

If it feels like no one else sees you, cares about you, or wants to carry your grief as much as celebrate your joy... You have a Father in Heaven that stands before you and asks, "What do you want?"

Do you want to celebrate, dancing around the house with gladness?  Do you want to wish the day away because simply getting out of bed feels like too much?  Do you question what is true about the real you?  On this Thursday afternoon, do you find yourself asking big questions about the greater plan for your life?

In ALL of these moments, would you dare to stand in the presence of God?  Celebrate with Jesus, ask God to carry the pain of this day, remind you WHO you really are, and tell you again that He is IN control!  

Ruth Haley Barton told us one time at the Transforming Community that the most asked question in the New Testament is, "What can I do for you?"

What does that tell you about the heart of God?  I know for me it is the gentle, holy reminder that in the most mundane ordinary life I live, God constantly is checking in with me.  He is holding me.  He is asking over and over, "How are you today?  Where can I be with YOU?  Let my strong, but soft touch be in your life this day!  I am FOR You!"

God REALLY sees us!  In the swirl, wordiness, and details of the day, it feels good to be seen by the God that holds the very world in His mighty hands.  Who declares us His own!  

Today, you are seen!  There is no sweeter truth to nestle into!

A Promise is a Promise!!!

"Understand, therefore, that the LORD your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands." Deuteronomy 7:9

Two years ago I started a journey with the Transforming Community, a group run by Ruth Haley Barton, that has radically changed my life!  It is a quarterly retreat for two years with the same 70 people.

I am preparing today for my last community retreat.  I was looking through old journals this weekend, unearthing what God has done through these two years, and it is simply hard to put into words.  I will try at some point, but very quickly here is what I found this morning.  I wanted to write this so I don't forget how this truth, or how amazed I am at our gracious God!

I was so struck when I looked through my journal from the first retreat... 

Two years ago I wrote these words, "I want to understand WHO I am in You God, and what that means for my life and my soul... I want a job I love... I want YOU to tell me who I am and WHOSE I am!!!"

Two YEARS ago I wrote these words at my VERY first Transforming Community, and on this morning I am staring at these words.  I forgot.  I forgot all I had asked God for two years ago, and now I see... our God keeps His promises!!!

I know this because this past week I was in Orlando for a Young Life planning meeting!  We got into groups Thursday morning, and the question we had to answer for part of the time was something like this, "What about 2015 has been exciting?"  And my response to each person was, "I just LOVE my job and can't believe what I get to do... it is the most me I have ever felt!!!"  It just rolled off my tongue.  I didn't even have to think about it!

TWO YEARS ago I wrote those words in a journal, tucked those words away, and did not realize TWO YEARS later, almost to the day, what GOD alone WOULD DO!!!

My goodness, there were trials these past two years... growing pains, deeper understanding of the Me God created, and ways God wants to keep challenging me!  But God provides!  God Gives!  God ALONE knows the deepest desires of our hearts, and on this DAY I am soooo sweetly reminded of that!  I am brought to tears knowing how FAITHFUL our God is!!!

It wasn't that I didn't like being an Area Director, I absolutely LOVE the kiddos and people I was honored to work with.  But I think two years ago I could feel the tension.  I knew there was something else I was designed to be doing.  Ways I had been created that I wanted to live into more fully.  My goodness our God answers!  IN ways I would never have imagined, NEVER could of articulated, with people to support me I could never have dreamed of, and through it all He is so faithful!!!  Our God is so FAITHFUL!

I don't know where you are this morning, and I don't know what trials you will endure on this day or days to come, but MY FRIENDS I am sitting in my house looking at these words with UTTER disbelief!  The God that has created us... loves us dearly... stands with us... and wants to give us good things does KNOW us!  Walk in that truth today.  Believe that promise today.  Stand firm on that foundation today.  You are known more than you could ever comprehend, and loved more lavishly than we think is possible.

This morning I am standing praising the FAITHFUL King of Kings... He is CRAZY Good!  And to Him, a promise IS a promise!

All the Single Ladies... Please Stand Up!!!

Yes, I would be standing!

Haha, There I said it... I am single!

Okay, it is not a very drastic statement, and I know most of you do know that!  But recently, the SINGLENESS of life has been coming up more and more!

I was at dinner with a few girlfriends during the holidays, and everyone at the table was not married.  Different stages of singleness, but all single ladies.  A comment was made before dinner, during red wine time, over laughter, and dating conversations, about it being "hard to Find a good man"... You know, a man who loves the Lord and wants that to be the center of a dating relationship.  A man who takes his faith seriously, and has that faith significantly impact his life.

For some reason I had a rapid response to this statement.  I am still not quite sure why, but I responded and said, "I don't think our job is to FIND a good man!"  

It was like a knee jerk reaction to a statement I have heard before... A statement I have probably said before!

I don't know why I responded so quickly, and I am not sure why that was my initial reaction.  See, I get where my friend was coming from!  And I think I could have said the same statement.  It does feel like that.  The real men are hard to find.  Or just plain aren't being found by me.  I'm still not quite sure?

It got me thinking... why would that bother me?  Why does that statement make me resistant so quickly?  Almost like I am physically pushing back against something that was put onto me.  Like I am playing hide and seek with a future spouse, but apparently I am HORRIBLE at finding said person!

It makes me think... Am I bad at finding a spouse?  Have I not been looking in the right spots?  Is my criteria is too high?  Do I need to change before someone can be found?

This sent me into a spiral of thoughts... and here is the place I have recently landed.  See, I don't know if as a single person my job is to FIND someone, or be on the hunt for someone!

If God is sovereign in ALL things, and for ALL things, then my God is sovereign in this too.  I mean truly.  I am not defective, or broken.  I don't matter less, or have a different value because I have had the same last name for 31 years.  

Brutal Truth... I would love to be in a relationship, and I think I would absolutely love being married.  I would cherish the opportunity to share life with someone (and have someone else take the dogs for a walk with me!!!).  BUT I know my God is in control of THAT!  See, I am not on a "finding" a man mission.  And to be honest, I don't want to put myself out there... Not like that.  Standing at a corner bar or lurking at a singles group for someone that looks like he might follow Jesus, loves laughing and dogs, and wants to know my name!

Here is what I believe today... My "finding mission" is to SEEK the Lord.  To FIND WHO I am in Christ alone.  My search is for the peace of Christ, more of the LOVE of Jesus, and to be FULLY commited to the Will of God!  It is in that... and that alone... where I WILL be FOUND.  For my life, my soul, for the very longing of being loved and known... If I search for that, if I am rooted in that... THEN married or not I am complete and enough in Jesus!

It is exhausting to think that searching for a good man is my responsibility!  AND really I don't want that to be on my list of things to do.  My search is to LOVE the Lord, and TRUST the Lord.  And in the midst of everything, to be dependent on the Lord.  Because my heart, being fully committed, will trust God when He does show up!  (Which just so we are clear Lord, he can show up anytime now!) Haha!

But to be honest... I love my life today.  Yes, there are some things I wish I could change.  BUT If you have been around me for any length of time in the last 4-5 months there is utter JOY in what I am honored and humbled to do each day!  IT is celebrating the simple joys of my life.  Tonight, I can drink red wine and eat popcorn for dinner if I want!  Haha, and I do!  AND my biggest hearts cry for all the other Single Ladies, who are standing, is that we would not settle.  We would not compromise.  We would hope in the Lord, who KNOWS the desires of our hearts!  I have seen amazing marriages and really hard ones.  Not to say the hard ones have settled, but I know that I will not be blissfully happy forever when he, "puts a ring on it!"  Life does not seem to work that way, and it appears marriage does not either!  I will ALWAYS need my God, and so in this season of my life who better to search after, know more intimately, and seek then God alone!  

There is NOTHING that is too BIG for my God, and that does not mean that being single is AWESOME every single day, but from my married friends I have heard the same is true for them.  I want to know that when the Lord does put an "us"  together for me... I am fully alive in Jesus, and not in the title of girlfriend or wife.  I want my self worth, value, and deepest knowing and longing to be for Christ alone!  That is hard enough for each day!  

I will keep my eyes, and my heart open for who God is placing in my path.  However, I do refuse the idea that if I muster up more courage or seeking of a potential boyfriend, that God will reward that searching.  IF the God of the Universe knows every single hair on my head... which is quite a few for me... then the God of Universe is in charge of this too!!!  It does not mean I can't be bold or courageous, but it does mean my singleness does not hinge on my ability to find someone or my control to "make things happen!"  

YOU my dear friends... Mrs., Ms., or Miss, have not been forgotten.  We each have such value and worth in Christ... be deeply committed to knowing and seeking that each day!!!

Well, that might be enough truth for today.

Single or married, my prayer for all of us is this: that we would search for the Lord, and find our value and place in Him! 

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows" Luke 12:6-7

My People Monday... My NOW College Gals!!!

I've climbed a 14,000 foot mountain with them (that's a whole other story)!  I've led WyldLife with them!  I've laughed with them, and cried with them!  I've spent at least 5 weeks of my life with them at Young Life Camp!  I've slept in the lobby of a Hyatt with them.  Yep, in a lobby.  For over two years, most of Sunday Nights were with them!

I have known these girls since they were in 8th Grade!!!  They are now Freshman in College.  I have called them my Pioneers!  I was their Young Life Leader, somewhere along the way they stole my heart, and now I treasure being their friend!

I laugh EVERY time I see this photo... Climbing Mt. Bierstadt in Colorado at 14,060 Feet!

At the end of this Christmas Break, Natalie already back at school, we sat across a booth from one another on a Friday Morning... 7:30am-10:30am... We laughed, talked honestly, gave life updates, and reminisced about funny memories!  I drank toooo much coffee, didn't want the time to end, and driving away my heart was bursting with thankfulness.  

You never know as a Young Life Leader what the Lord will do with your friends, and what maybe even more so, what your friends will decide to do with the Lord!  

These girls were the first group of friends I knew walking into Novi, and as I left my Area Director job there, they were graduating from NHS... Pretty fitting if you ask me.  We are all experiencing new things... New people, joys, pressures, and questions.  Newness is exciting, and sometimes a little scary.  There is something holy when you return to the familiar for a few hours.  When you sit across a table, and know the people on the other side care!  Know they are invested, and that memories and conversation leave you feeling valued. 

As I think about ALL our Seniors from last year... I am deeply, deeply grateful!  Grateful to walk alongside of such incredible friends... and even though it looks different now, when I am able to connect and hear how they are doing my heart rejoices.  I love how our friendships continue.  The journey is not over when they leave the halls of their high school... that is the heart of any Young Life Leader.  Part of my heartache watching them leave for college is trusting that the Lord knows best... BUT isn't that the problem with most things.  Trusting that God is in control and I am not!  I can't tell you the amount of times I have prayed for them, asked God to be with them, and wanted them to see how much more God has for them!  These friends are beautiful, wonderful, bold, courageous, and AMAZING... God has made them THIS way!

In a booth on a cold, snowy Friday morning I saw the Lord in each of these girls again.  I always do.  They have taught me more.  Taught me what joy, kindness, thoughtfulness, and patience looks like.  Being with these friends reminds me what true friendship feels like... When you are in the midst of it, you don't realize the depth of how dearly you know one another, but it is oh so real.  We have fought, and I'm sure there are more ways I screwed up as their leader than I even realize... (and for those moments I depend on God's grace!) 

And now with tears in my eyes, I can see the Lord has them and they have the Lord!  

I marvel at each of these young women, and here is why!  Their character... their integrity... the way they are becoming the women God has designed and created them to be!  The way their freedom has allowed them to grow, even in one semester of College!  I can't believe that two of them are Young Life Leaders now!   Speaking truth into kiddos, and being used by the Lord!

Here is a small glimpse of why I love these ladies...

Natalie leads YL at Dexter High School.  I went to Potbelly last spring with Natalie and our conversation left me with tears streaming down my face... God has done a mighty work in her life!  She asks great questions, is authentically herself, and has a very intentional heart! 

Alina leads YL at East Lansing High School.  We spent the month of July together at YL Camp... She loves from the deepest part of her heart, and knows the peace of Jesus in a way I marvel at!  She cares deeply for friends and family... and makes me laugh allll the time!

Maddy goes to YL Bible Study, and is unwavering in her convictions and faith!  Someone I look up to in the way she cares for others, and believes in our God... Maddy teaches me in a quiet, humble way!  

Abby is rowing for MSU and spending time with Athletes in Action... She still is one of the most involved, strongest people I know!  Abby is faithful, bold, and deeply committed to the Lord!  

Lindsey is a WyldLife Leader in Novi, works at Panera... and I will listen to ANY story she tells me!  Linds has a soft heart, and a fierce spirit... A Great Combination!  She is unapologetically herself!

Megan is playing Club Field Hockey and pursuing her faith at Penn State... Makes me laugh hard, and love the way she does what she wants, lives with zest and passion for Jesus, and does not compromise!!!

At Kelly's Wedding this past May!

What I can tell you today... these girls have taught me more!  I know Jesus more.  I know friendship more.  I continue to know them more!

As a Young Life Leader I think sometimes we question the investment.  Does it all really matter?  Do I even know what I am doing?  We mess up, but we show up.  And in the midst of it all, we lean into Jesus!  And God covers it!  

The reality today is that these women have given me more.  I can't WAIT To see what the Lord has in store for them.  And I cannot thank them enough for what they have taught me through our 6 years of Friendship!  I thought I was leading them, but in so many ways they have been my leader!!!

On this Monday, let's vow to invest in one another!  Let's climb up mountains together and cheer one another on!  And then on snowy mornings, resting in the holy of familiar, sipping too much coffee, let's share the adventures we have been on!!! 

When Do You Take Down Christmas???

Taking Down Christmas... I keep looking around the family room... ALL of this stuff has to go back into boxes???

I have debated how long it is socially acceptable to keep these Christmas decorations up!

What have I landed on???  My sister's birthday! January 15th is when I need to have Christmas decorations down.  Well, at least having started!!!

The sad thing about putting these trees away is not only trying to get them to the basement into the Christmas Closet, but the house all of a sudden looks ordinary again.  No white lights, no more festive pillows, goodbye fake presents under the trees, and flakes of snow in every corner of the house!!!

Back to regular, ordinary, Blaaahhhhh...

Haha, but I think as I exclaim Blaaahhhhh I slowly realize it is the Blaaahhhh moments that make the Festive Season that much more spectacular!  If the house ALWAYS looked like this, well then there would be nothing fancy about it!

We chase Festive, Shiny, Sparkle... we don't usually chase ordinary, regular, normal. 

I have been thinking lately about this call to live Simply.  It is something that keeps nudging at me.  I haven't quite figured it all out yet, but what I do think is that simple can be beautiful.  To embrace the normal and the ordinary in life, and let God ADD His touches of sparkle and festive lights!  I mean to live right into the Will of God!

See, living in the simple helps us live with God at the center.  

Living in the simple means we don't have to muster up the sparkle!  Our identity, significance, is not dependent on how much WE shine, or twinkle.

As I watch the life that our God lived here on Earth, I notice He MASTERED the call to live simply.  

"Simplicity: He lived simply-- there was no effort to make an impression--he refused the spectacular, he spoke the language of the people; there was no pose of any kind; he kept silent when he did not know the answers... " 

Discipline and Discovery by Albert Edward Day

I know for me, I LOVE the spectacular and I embrace feeling unique (I am a 4 on the Enneagram after all!!!), but perhaps what God is asking me to embrace is HIS ordinary.  HIS walk, HIS talk... and many times following Jesus can feel ordinary!  It is real after all... Simple is real!  The fabric to our heart and soul becomes small joys, small victories, and simple pleasures.  The fabric of our soul becomes so very real. 

BUT simple is not easy.  In fact, simple is rather difficult!  Simple says, "I am investing TODAY... Where God is asking me to SHOW UP, and be Really Me!"  Simple asks our conversations to be seasoned with grace, goodness, and truth.  Our hearts to treasure what is in front of us, who is next to us, the simple of what God is asking us to do today.  Simple slows our heartbeat, steadies our eyes, and reminds our soul to sing a NEW song of Enough!  We are MORE than enough, as we are, with what we have, and what God is asking us to do!!!

I want to celebrate in the simple, and marvel at the moments of life that seem to twinkle, knowing that it is My God at work and not something I have mustered up!!!  I don't want to chase what makes me feel special.  Half the time that means just more chasing day after day.  

Instead, my hope for the simple is that in those moments God would be more real.  His power would be greater.  AND in the simple, my heart would be turned more to Him because there is less clutter in the way!  It is there where I think life begins to TWINKLE because God is displaying HIS light. 

As we put away the festive decor of Christmas, lets embrace the simple all around us this new year!!!

"The law of the Lord is perfect,
    refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,
    making wise the simple." Psalm 19:7

4 Things I Learned in 2014!!!

In total honesty, 2014 was full of hard lessons, and the most beautiful gifts.  It feels like my year was split, equal parts in heartache and joy!  I spent a lot of time waiting and watching for God to show up... there were many things that felt chaotic and difficult.  Many things this past year I wanted to change, but seemed to only mess up more!  AND in only the way He does, He made this year MUCH more than I could ask or imagine!  I swear when I get to heaven I will HUG the Lord, and then really quickly and probably under my breath mutter, "What the Heck?!"  Haha, and I imagine He will smile... AND know!  My God will know what I mean! 

As we close out 2014 there are 4 Things I am walking into 2015 having learned...

1. Pain Asks Us to Grow!  It is an invitation to change, to be different.  BUT it is a choice.  It hurts like hell, we wonder why, we ask big questions and oftentimes come to the conclusion that there are no answers... AND then as we live another day, breathe another breath, and move a little more... It is then that life begins to look different.  If I'm honest, I would say I HAD absolutely NO idea in January what my life would look like come December.  There were so many things that were truly tearing me apart, and now standing close to January 1, 2015, I can say... the PAIN is what grew me.  Isn't that funny, the one thing we resist in many ways is what God has orchestrated to make us the people He has designed us to be.  I could not imagine my life ANY other way today, and yet this past year hurt.  Hurt in my relationships, my job, my identity... HURT is the word of 2014 for me, BUT through the Hurt I have understood the Dearest JOY I have ever known!  Truly, through the pain I stand here KNOWING God used that HURT... He USED that pain, and I am growing!  I am more aware of joy, of love, of generosity... I am more aware of pain in others, and that tightening feeling in my own chest.  Pain.  I hate it, and at the same time I know that God uses it.  I want to yell bring it on, but I won't be that bold today! 

If you ask me about Jesus presently... I will tell you I feel like the woman weeping at Jesus' feet, but I can say that because of what I have endured WITH Jesus!  I weep because through grace God continues to give!  He offers me, really all of us, SO much of Him.  Through pain IS freedom, triumph, and utter goodness!!!  I weep because I have see the BEAUTY of Jesus in ways I know can ONLY be Our God!!!!!

2. Yes and No... Yes, I desperately want to be different.  No I am not there yet, but God alone!  God alone, and knowing myself a little more!  I want to say YES to Grace and NO to Self Hatred.  I want to say YES to Hope and NO to Doubt.  Yes to LOVE!  Yes to JOY!  YES to being my TRUE Self and NO to my False Self.  Yes to taking more time, more walks, more days of solitude.  No to expectations, displaced anger, and deep fear.  At the beginning of the day I desperately want to keep saying Yes to Jesus, and No to everything that is not of Him, from Him, for Him!  I have learned this is hard, but with practice my old demons stay OLD.  Thank you Jesus that you make ALL things new!  I have learned to keep saying Yes!!!

3. God Gives Us More Than We Can Handle.  He does!  Because He wants us near to Him.  Next to Him.  Desperate for Him!  I don't like when people tell me that God won't give me more than I can handle because He DOES!  It happens friends.  Way more than I think I can handle.  BUT He asks us to TRUST Him, to walk with HIM, and to KNOW Him MORE!  I don't know about YOU, but this happens for me when God gives me more!  More than I understand, know, comprehend in my brain!  More than I think I am capable of, or even can handle!  In good and bad... this always leads me to back to my God!  In some ways I want more than I can handle because it is in those moments I am desperate to see Jesus!   

4. I Only Truly Want Jesus!  I mean I do hope and want a lot of other things, BUT truest desire is for the Lord!  My heart rests with Him!  I learned this year that the Biblical character I identify with the most is John the Baptist.  I myself have been deeply wrestling lately with calling, and my connection to people.  Based on readings about John the Baptist, and the things I have read about his life, he was a "preparer."  John's life call and chore was to prepare people for the coming Messiah.  He spent a lot of time with crowds and then a great deal of time alone.  At the very same time people were drawn to him.  I am called to tell people about Jesus, love them, and listen carefully, but oftentimes desire to be by myself and with the Lord.  Maybe it is safer there, or less complicated (I'm still trying to sort that out).  I cling to my God.  Reach for Him in a new way this year.  I wrote a paper last year and said this, "John the Baptist lived Simply, and he lived with a strong call.  I am trying to wrestle with this, and understand why God is shaping me in this way.  I am convinced it is Him alone, but that does not make the day to day any easier I have found for me yet!"  I want to live simply, to LOVE Big, and to be more and more of His.  That is what I want.  It is a balance I am navigating every single day.  I can see His hands and feet all over my life, and in so many ways I can't wait to be with our God!!!  To stand with Him.  I can't wait to meet my defender, protector, Savior face to face!  And yes, I will say, "What the Heck!" And He will smile knowing I have waited to whisper that!

I am walking into 2015 more me than I have ever been, but it was because during 2014 God did a mighty work in my heart and in my life.  I don't think anything could be more beautiful to start this New Year!  Walking in desperate pursuit of my God!!!

And so to you dear friends... before we say good bye to 2014 will you whisper to God, "What the Heck?!"  Will you be honest with God about where you have been, and where you need Him to show up!  Will you Yell to Him in authenticity about what is TOO much and what Yes you need to make today!  

See the beauty of what I have learned this year is that God really does want to transform our lives, but it takes precious moments of time for our God to mold us.  It takes our Yes, our desire to know Him, a bit more trust, and a few moments of trial.

Here's to continuing the journey in 2015... Cheers!

My People Monday... Mason and Milo!!!

Now I know it is My People Monday, but I have two snuggle bear Goldendoodle Dogs... Mason and Milo!

They are not TECHNICALLY people, but to me, they count!  

Here is what I want you to know about these two wonky, crazy puppies!

After driving to Nashville with these two Doodle Dogs this past week, I am reminded how funny they are!  Mason stresses out so much he rides on the console in between the two front seats, and leans on people in the passenger seat LIKE this (picture below)!!!  Yep, the WHOLE way!  AND keep in mind he is 90 pounds of dog!  AND Milo wants to ride in the front seat... Yes, on your lap... I swear that dog would try to drive if he could figure it out.  He will make his way to the front seat almost every hour just to check on things... Especially if you drive over the rumble strips on the freeway!!!  He hates those!

Uncle Bryce riding in the car with Mason!!!

I love these two Pups, and quite frankly if you know me even a little bit, you know these two are incredibly important to me! 

Mason was given to me as a birthday gift from my parents... Cheri, one of my dearest friends from Grosse Pointe, found him in the Detroit Free Press!  I was volunteering at an Alzheimers Casino Day so my mom and one of her best friends, Sally, went to pick him up.  I left my house that morning NOT a Dog Mom... AND walked back in that night as one!  

Mason!  I'm sure I was asking him if he wants to go to the Puppy Park!!!

Milo was searched for by myself and one of my other dearest friends, who I also met in GP, Mary Caitlin!  I swear it took me three hours to pick out Milo... MC had to devise a discard pile for the puppies because we were there so long!  Haha. She was VERY helpful!  Milo is Mason's security blanket... especially when I am gone!  Mason has always been a pretty anxious pup, but having Milo around has made a BIG difference!  They are besties!!!

Even though they are 7 1/2 and 6 1/2 now, I can't quite imagine my life being as full without these two hilarious Doodle Dogs!

He LOVES to sleep on the couch!!!  Sweety Boy Milo!!!

Here are the MOST frequently asked Questions I get about them...

1. Do they sleep in bed with you? Yes, they sleep in my bed with me... Judge all you want, I actually stay MUCH warmer!  And they have figured out very easily how to sleep politely!  Haha!

2. Do they always have to follow you everywhere? Yep, they pretty much follow me everywhere... unless there is a BABY in the house or really any kid!  They LOVE being Dog Babysitters!

3. Do you talk to them out loud? Yes, sometimes... Okay, I talk to them ALL the time!  I'm FAIRLY certain that they know a little bit of what I am saying!  Trust me... they are crazy smart!

4. Are you afraid when you walk them? There are times I have to let the leash go... because YES they are stronger than me!  (Sidenote: When walking them I frequently pass people that say, "Who's walking WHO?"  I want to reply with "I AM... I am the HUMAN!"  Haha, but my typical response is, "depends on the day!")

5. Why do you look alike?  Haha, I never know how to answer this except to say I guess that is a good thing because I am there Dog Momma!!!  AND I love their wild and crazy hair!

Mason is quiet, sweet, has the BIGGEST heart of any dog I know, and loves like the gentle giant he is!  Milo on the other hand is loud, needy, hilarious, and ALWAYS demands what he wants!  Mason is in tune with people and situations, while Milo brings life to the party with his larger than life personality and bark!

They compliment one another.  They could not be more different.  They are best friends... Milo holds Mason's tail when they are running around the house, at the groomer, or the dog park.  It is one of my favorite things about them!  My groomer always tells me she has never seen two more attached dogs, and I absolutely LOVE hearing that!  (yep, sometimes I cry about how much I LOVE that.  haha, proud dog mom!)

Mason and Milo have taught me many things... I know more and more what love looks like because of these two... That might sound funny, but when I walk through the door they are there!  When I cry Mason puts his head on my lap and snuggles right into me.  Milo has this sweet way of pushing himself anywhere he wants to be... I love that about him!  He does not worry what anyone else thinks, he just barks what he needs... unedited!  They are attentive to each person that enters through our door, or leaves our house.  They defend, they protect... now granted sometimes against squirrels, but still their giant hearts are FOR me!  Mason and Milo love in a way that does not hold grudges.  They are not obsessed with finding the person that everyone thinks has it all together.  Instead, they simply love.  With their four giant paws, their big hearts, and their furry tails, which quickly become weapons at the sight of people,  they are always eager and excited to encounter others.    

They have taught me loyalty... My neighbors have told me they sit and stare out of the window in the front of our house together when we are gone, and you will oftentimes find Milo sleeping on my bed looking out the window.  They are incredibly loyal.  I think somewhere deep inside they know I am coming back.  If they could talk they would say to one another,"We will wait for her when she is gone, miss her, and go crazy when she comes home!"  They are so very loyal to the people they love, but especially to me!  They are devoted and consistent.  Their loyalty goes far beyond the way they are treated or how they feel... Mason and Milo are genuine in their response and sweetly committed to their people!

These two doodles have taught me about being present.  Walking, sleeping, snuggles... they live for each moment as it comes!  See Mason and Milo are not in charge of much, and they trust deeply.  Their option in life is to be present.  I am horrible at this, and I envy that about them.  At the dog park they are not worried about dinner, stressed about their hair cut, or angry because they did not catch that tennis ball on the 19th throw.  They are present in the moments they find themselves, and I LOVE that!  It has taught me about being present, noticing, and in moments where it can feel difficult I practice sitting and waiting... just like those two.  (they have mastered the Sit, but working on the Wait command!)

Mason and Milo in front of their tree!!!  Yep, we have a dog tree especially for them!!!

I know in their final days my heart will ache, and I will wish we would have had more time!  But I love these two gentle giants.  I am forever grateful for the way they have brought joy and humor into my life.

Those big, brown eyes that reassure me, and anyone they meet, we are loved exactly as we are, they will be loyal to us forever, and they will be present every single day!  Little lessons from my friends with four paws!

I am grateful God decided to make Dogs!

I am deeply grateful for my Massy and Miiizy!!!

The Invitation... Join the Triumph of the Skies!

"Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies"

Merry Christmas Eve to YOU and Your Family!!!

In this season of Advent my heart yearns more and more for the sound of my Savior's Voice.  The Savior that was born in a stable.  The Savior that came to BE WITH Us!

For many... It is the season of busy, loads of cheer, and tree trimmings at every corner, but it is also the season that Heaven sweetly crashed into Earth on our behalf!  

I like that BEST about this time of year!!!

Tis the season for tasty treats, time with family, and brighter homes, but that does not mean our hearts reflects that brimming brightness!  

For some this time of year is the reminder of what is missing, or what you can just never seem to change!  For others it is a season where measuring up becomes a question every single day with parties, gifts, outfits, and decorations.  Sickness, loneliness, difficult memories, and predictable patterns seem to invade this cheery time of year for many.

For my heart, I desire wholeness, for brokenness to cease, and God's glory to be revealed all around us!  But as I live out the days during Advent I realize that this "wholeness" seems so far away.  From the state of the world, the state of my own heart... wholeness does not seem possible.

I imagine for Mary as she journeyed with Joseph this wholeness felt far away too.  She traveled, pregnant, with her new husband, to have a baby that was in fact the Savior of the World!  I imagine for MARY this time of year WAS scary!!!  For Mary wholeness, I would guess, seemed small and impossible.  Especially when she realized that Jesus, her baby, would be born in a stable!  

Our King, born in a stable.  God came near in the most humble of places.  Unplanned, not pretty, far from perfect... and isn't that how so often God chooses to reveal Himself.  Right in the midst of the chaos!

BUT as I think about the Christmas story... There is a strength in Mary... a deeper Hope... a JOY in Mary as she realizes God's promises are True!  Fearful... yes, but insistent to follow the Lord.  To pursue God's truth above her own.  To know and cling to the PROMISE of what God freely gives us!  And as she gave birth to the Savior inside a manger... she saw True Love born!!!

What Mary must have seen as the Angels sang, as the Skies broke open with the Good News... He is WITH us!  

And as I reflect on this Christmas Eve... The promise is this... We ALL get to join the Triumph of the Skies!  Join the triumph of what God IS doing, and what God promises to continue to do!

The Message tonight is this... Peace, Joy, Love, Life IS born to YOU and Me!  This Holy, Sacred Night.  Born is a Savior, a King who WILL travel with us... THROUGH the pain, brokenness, chaos... Delivering hope in a weary, broken world and in our weary, broken hearts!  Offering us the Wholeness we all desire!  There is a Promise of TRIUMPH with Jesus!!!

So in this season when loneliness or comparison sneaks in would you remember WHO is born unto us... What is offered to us... and that OUR invitation is... to JOIN the triumph of the skies!!!

To know so sweetly on this Christmas Eve... He is truly with US!  May your soul feel that worth during this Christmas!

Would that BE what brings you Christmas Cheer!!!

Happy Christmas to YOU and to Yours!!!!!!!! 

"The manger was alive with anticipation, while those at the Inn slept. Faith is about finding our way to the barn." Bob Goff

Metro Detroit Young Life Capernaum... It Happened!!!

(I wanted to write this... very quickly, not edited (sorry Emily), and in not as much detail as I would hope, but just so you know... IT happened!!!)

In the words of my friend, wise woman, intentional, and Capernaum/Life Guru Lyn TenBrink, "Dreams do come true!"

LAST Night was a DREAM come TRUE!!!  

AND my friends... The LORD made it ALL possible!!!

We have 6-7 Leaders!  (1 para pro/Director of Special Needs Ministry, 1 social worker, 1 former Capernaum Leader!)

We have 4-5 Buddies!

We have Ward Church... Who has been nothing short of AMAZING... They continue to say, "Whatever YOU need!!!"  SERIOUSLY!

We have donors who have said YES... and to you I continue to say THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND LAST Night... we had 10 FRENDS walk through those doors!!!  10 FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!

Bradley was decorated as a Christmas Tree, Mary giving her talk about God, life and love, and friends eating dinner while Devaney and Holly (a Buddy) smile for the camera!!!

About 4-5 years ago I knew the Lord was asking me to work with friends with disabilities!  I knew it... I had a sense that this was a population of people the Lord was asking me to be with, to love, to learn from, and to share Jesus with!  I said out loud to some people my hope, prayer, and dream... little did I know the Lord had other plans!!!

There were BIG and SMALL things along the way... Buddies in Novi with Debbie, Becky, and Devaney (friendships I TREASURE!!!), subbing at Novi High School, Potter's Wheel at Ward, Capernaum Friends at YL Camp... Ways to be in this community, to learn, to see Jesus clearly, and to be be called over and over by God!!!

It has been a longer road to get here, but this is bigger than my hope and dream to be in the lives of friends with disabilities!  God is on the move!!!  I thought it would be Young Life Capernaum in Novi, but little did I know God wanted it to be all over Metro Detroit... Available to students in Livonia, Farmington, Novi, and Walled Lake!!!

Last night I was a bundle of nerves... I couldn't believe it was going to happen!  

Sherry set up EVERYTHING before anyone else had even arrived... I showed up with game items, crafts, paper, and drinks... I couldn't believe my eyes!!!  My friends, SHE HAD OFFICIAL name tags SHE MADE!!!  Table cloths, tiny Christmas Trees, computer ready to go... It was Amazing!

THEN our first friends arrived at 6:15... THEY WERE HERE!!!  And 10 of them walked through the doors last night!!!

Sue welcomed friends and parents... The PERFECT person to do that because she knew like 1/2 of the students from her time in the Farmington schools!!!  AMAZING God!

WE had the BEST High School Buddies, and I got to watch my friend Michael who I have known since 7th Grade spend time with a new friend Colin... Michael was Awesome!  For an hour and half he showed Colin Jesus by pursuing him, loving him, singing with him, and getting him more marshmallow Santas than Colin could hold or put in his pockets!  AND Holly, Michael's sister, who is in 10th Grade... was called, "The Coolest Girl here" by one of our Capernaum Friends!!!  I mean COME ON!!!  Amazing GOD!!!  My two high school friends who are giving up their Thursday Night to be with friends with disabilities... AND they were a HIT!!!

Our Team Leader Mary, who was a YL Capernaum Leader in Ohio, gave an incredible talk!!!  AND she brought her fish which I LOVED!!!  ANIMALS at club... My heart was SOARING!!!  AND Mary made us OFFICIAL Binders... Team LEADER of My DREAMS!!!  Amazing God!

Another leader, Lauren who I have talked about Capernaum with for a long time now, worked a FULL day, and drove from Royal Oak to be with our Capernaum friends!  Who also asked her if she was on Facebook... A real sign of having FUN with someone!!!  Amazing God!

Lauren helping our friends get all decorated!  And Michael in the background spotted the camera!!!  Haha!

Taylor, a Rockstar Young Life Leader in Belleville, brought two of her high school friends to help out as Buddies!  I mean seriously... ABOVE and Beyond!!!!!!  Amazing God!

Capernaum Friends danced, sang, Made Human Christmas Trees, heard about Jesus, laughed, ate pizza, requested songs for January, took LOTS of photos... and it all happened from 6:30-8:00 on a Thursday Night at Ward Church because God is bigger than I could have asked or imagined!!!

(I am starting to type with furry... I wish I could convey to YOU how much JOY was in that room!!!  AND there is much more to say, but I have a conference call at 9:30am!!!  HAHA!!!)

I will end with this... I did not know exactly how He would make it possible, but just that He would do it... YOU can trust our God!  You can trust Him with your dreams, with your pain, and with your deepest hopes too!!!

AND more than anything... You can be BRAVE with Our God!

In May I was scared, nervous, and fearful about this position in Young Life...  There were so many unknowns, what ifs, and hard moments of trust.  This morning I am walking with a  FULL heart!  I am walking with absolute JOY, and a deep sense of gratitude... I am walking in the wake of HOW BIG our God is!!!

I am walking to the sound of Jingle Bells (which to me has never sounded SWEETER)... I am walking with eyes to see the BEAUTY Filled Life here on Earth and DREAMS that God makes possible... AND this is just the beginning!

My People Monday... My Mom and Dad!!!

"What else is family if not a commitment to keep showing up?"

Glennon Melton

Do you have a Christmas Closet???

I guess I didn't realize that not everyone has one of these until a few weeks ago when I said something about a Christmas Closet, and Audry, my roomie, responded with, "you make it sound like everyone has one of those!!!"  

Haha, well YOU would think so if you grew up in Bill and Audrey Jenney's Christmas Wonderland!!!   

You see the Jolly Jenneys come ALIVE during this time of year!  I LOVE our house most of all during the Christmas season!  As I unwrap ornaments, and set up villages in our own home I remember my parents setting up their Christmas decorations- though they would take things a step further and decorate from photos they took the year before.  All creativity captured to make sure it was done just-so year to year!  My Mom would do the initial decorating, and my Dad would check and rearrange what she had done!  Hahaha!!!  It was the perfect team!  

I would BEG my Dad to set-up the Hudson Villagers early... they were my favorite!!!  Tiny silver people with colorful scarves, hats, and mittens.  I loved that village!!!  We would create a snow hill out of boxes for them, and many of the villagers would be skating on the ice, shopping in the village, and sledding on our snow hill.  I could look at that village for hours!  I would dream up stories for each person, and especially wanted to keep the silver dogs and horses in my room until next Christmas... Only to ensure I got to put them out and not my little sister!  

My parents made our house absolutely magical!

We had our own elves... YES, before Elf on the Shelf was COOL Bill Jenney... aka Mr. Christmas... had invented our own Elves!  They would do crazy things in our house, and write us letters!!!  Uglook and Freedork!  Banana peels, messes in our rooms, notes to us from Santa and those two crazy Elves... My Goodness I believed in Santa until 8th Grade!!!  One day my older brother told me the truth, and I cried!  Yep, cried going to dance class with my mom... I couldn't believe it!!!  I kept thinking... All those letters, the jewelry I had made for Mrs. Claus (I always thought she was left out too much), I couldn't believe it... AND MY PARENTS now knew I had a HUGE crush on our next door neighbor who was older than me (I had written a letter to Santa asking for a Basketball because he played basketball) and I realized my parents READ that letter!!! 

They made this season magical for us 4!  Traditions like Enchilladas for dinner Christmas Eve and ending the night with a Piñata... looking for Santa with our neighbors the whole night and BELIEVING those red lights in the sky were not planes, but RUDOLPH himself!!!  Waiting at the top of the stairs to run down Christmas morning, and having the SAME wrapping paper ALL Growing up... My VERY OWN wrapping paper from Santa himself!  I mean they are like CHRISTMAS Miracle workers!!!

In "You've Got Mail," one of my favorite movies Meg Ryan, who plays Kathleen Kelly, says this about her Mom, "It’s coming on Christmas. They’re cutting down trees. Do you know that Joni Mitchell song? “I wish I had a river I could skate away on”. Such a sad song! And not really about Christmas at all, but I was thinking about it tonight as I was decorating my Christmas tree, unwrapping funky ornaments made of Popsicle sticks, and missing my mother so much I almost couldn’t breathe. I always miss my mother at Christmas, but…somehow it is worse this year since I need some advice from her. I need her to make me some cocoa and tell me that everything that’s going badly in my life will sort itself out."

I have thought about this quote the past couple weeks after watching the movie... while decorating for Christmas!

That is my parents.  

My parents, Bill and Audrey, at Kyle and Kristi's Wedding this Fall!

Yes, the ones who provided magic when I was younger.  The magic that let my imagination run wild with glee.  I was sometimes a more serious child than I wish I would have been, and the joy of this season let my heart flutter with utter anticipation of what would happen next!  The magic I can still almost feel this time of year!!!  

But even with ALL this magic and cheer, my parents are the ones that still to this day will sit with me, and remind me it will all be okay.  That what is going badly WILL sort itself out!  They give me much more than magic as an adult... they give me their support, advice, dear love, and complete encouragement!!!  

See I love the magic my parents gave us as kids... I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I have come to deeply respect the magic of their love for US... all four of us!!!  This magical, incredibly sacrificial love... that I know when I call them they will answer, they will text back, watch the dogs for a month, have hard conversations, and they will be over in 5 minutes when the roof is leaking!  The magical kind of love that when I see them in the back of a room last Thursday Night to see the Potter's Wheel Christmas Pageant it puts tears in my eyes... My parents are here.  In the room is their magical love and support, and my heart rests a little easier.  

I have stopped believing in Santa... hard to admit, but that is true!  However, year after year I believe more in the magic of my parents love and what their unwavering support offers to me!  And I watch how it continues to shape my very life!  

For some of us this was not true about our Earthly parents, but it is absolutely true about your Father in Heaven!  He has eyes to see you JUST as you were created to be, the most sacrificial love we will ever know He offers to us freely, and the kind of encouragement only a Father can offer because He knows the VERY heart of us!

I don't care how old we get to be... there is something about the sweetest "I love you" from your Dad, or a gentle hug from your Mom!  And I believe Kathleen Kelly from "You've Got Mail," that missing them will feel like I can't breathe.

They have modeled sacrificial, magical love for me!  It is what I carry in my heart from my parents through the year... Not just at Christmas!

And I will never be too old for this!

My hope for all of us is that we will find people who will show us how to live and love in those ways.  Sacrificially, magically, and in ways that reveal more of who Jesus is. 

You never get to old for that!

Meet My Friend Dan!!!

Sing a new song to the Lord!
    Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!
Sing to the Lord; praise his name.

Psalm 96
 

Meet my friend Dan!!!

Dan and John at our Potter's Wheel Christmas Pageant last year!!!  They were shepherds!

Dan is on the left!  He is a Potter's Wheel Student!  (Potter's Wheel is a Sunday School Class for Adults with Disabilities!)  I have been volunteering with Potter's Wheel for about a year and a half now!

Dan is 57 this year, and works as a janitor at a local church.  On Sundays, his brother drives him to church because Dan does not drive!  Dan also doesn't read... at least very well from what I can tell.  It takes him a great deal of time and energy to read sentences, and sometimes he just recites from memory.  When talking with Dan, it takes a little while for him to formulate what he wants to say.  I have learned patience in these moments, and though it has been a process, I now love those conversations.  Dan thinks so very hard about what he is saying before he utters a single word!  

Our friendship has grown this past year!!!

We have Potter's Wheel from 9:30-10:30am on Sunday mornings, and then we walk to the bigger service together for Church.  Church is fast...  songs are fast, scripture is fast, transitions are fast, speaking is fast... All soooo very quick for Dan to process!  Oftentimes he will fall asleep!  Not because he does not care, but I think honestly because it is all soooo fast, it makes it difficult for him to follow. 

BUT what Dan does is SING!

He can't quite read the lyrics, but some he has memorized.  This Sunday we sang, "Nothing but the Blood of Jesus," and while you can't quite tell exactly WHAT he's singing, boy does he sing!  You can only make out a word or two, BUT he sings to the tune of the song.  And he sings loud!  I love listening to Dan sing to our God!!!  It is some of the most BEAUTIFUL music I have ever heard.  Honest, authentic, REAL!

Do you sing???  Would you today???

Sing to the Lord...  However, wherever!  Cry out to OUR God!  Let him comfort you.  Sing out of tune to Him.  Praise His Name!  Scream!  Celebrate!  SHOUT!!!  Cry!  Go to the Lord and just let your voice be heard in ANY way that needs to happen today.  He knows our hearts, He knows our voices... HE KNOWS US!!!

Standing next to Dan on Sunday mornings is sweet... The most tender worship!  Maybe the sweetest sound I hear each week... the sound of his heart praising his Creator in TOTAL authenticity!!!

I want to be more like my friend Dan!!!  

Today, I want to Sing... Out of tune, loudly, and with total abandon!!!  

I Woke Up This Way!!!

Last week one morning was 11 degrees when I woke up in Michigan!!!  Yes, 11 degrees!!!

And we walked!  Walking those doodle dogs is one of my most FAVORITE things to do.  Yep, even at 11 degrees!!!  It is actually BETTER at 11 degrees.  Haha, I hadn't showered, put a hat on over my hair (which then sticks straight up in the air because, well,  I have SO much hair), penguin scarf, snowflake gloves, neon blue tennis shoes because I couldn't find my walking boots, and LAYERS!!!  Lots.of.layers.

I looked like a hot mess!  I knew those boy dogs needed to be outside for a few minutes, and with it being, well 11 degrees, I knew it would be a short walk!

And you know what?  I like feeling messy.  Haha, I didn't mind not matching, throwing a hat over my huge hair, and walking Mason and Milo simply so they can be out.  We have no agenda, there is nothing to get done in those walks, and I can have sweet sightings of gratitude as I pray and walk.

Neighbors that wave, my favorite song on Pandora, houses sweetly decorated for Christmas, and the fact that I don't get pulled through the neighborhood by the sight of squirrels from my two wonky dogs who weigh 160 pounds combined... You know small victories!

Especially in this busy season of shopping, decorating, to-do lists everywhere we look... I want to celebrate not matching, not having to care, and instead, take joy in breathing in COLD air because I can.  On these days I want the permission to be messy, to not care, and instead to just sit, breath, and feel the momentum of a day I am not rushing to get through!!!

Being a scheduled person by nature, there is such freedom on the days I don't match.  On the days where I simply live, breath, and invest where I am led.  I like these days!  I like the days where my pajamas are my uniform of the morning, and a sweatshirt I have had since high school is my evening dress!

Here's to finding a moment this week to put a hat on and walk.  Or sit.  Here's to simply being messy, and celebrating the chaos of life undone and unfinished with no makeup on!  Here's to finding Jesus in these tender moments... deeply knowing He is right beside us!!!

I promise, it feels good to leave the agenda for a few minutes, and just embrace our unmatched, in-progress selves!

"No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good,
    and this is what he requires of you:
to do what is right, to love mercy,
    and to walk humbly with your God."

Micah 6:8

Gratitude is MY Attitude!!!

"Let us come before him with thanksgiving
    and extol him with music and song.

For the Lord is the great God,
    the great King above all gods."

Psalm 95:2-3

Yesterday my dad brought me breakfast... Totally surprised me.  Yesterday a man came to clean the furnace to make sure we were ready for winter's Polar Vortex x 100.  Yesterday I worked from home with two puppers I love, and enjoyed coffee Audry made for us.  Yesterday I went to work at my friends restaurant to make some extra cash, which is a huge GIFT during this time of year!  Yesterday I went to my forever friend's house and talked about things that are real.  Yesterday I went home to a house I love, with people who make it even sweeter!!!

And those were only parts of my day.  

My Dad brought me coffee and oatmeal!  Sweetest man!!!  PS Don't mind the mess behind it... We are decorating for Christmas this week... YOU will hear LOTS about this in the month of December!!!  

My yesterday was full of moments... Moments that could seem simple and ordinary, but moments filled with goodness and gratitude.  I know this is pretty cheesy being the day before Thanksgiving, but I can't help to take a moment and say how GOOD and GREAT our God is!  How Thankful I am in these moments that make up my life!!!

TRULY... this has been the most wonderful, life giving seasons for me.  In fact, I was meeting with my Spiritual Director Clare... Who easily is one of the most wonderful people I have the honor of knowing!!!  Spiritual Direction is different than counseling.  When you meet with a Spiritual Direction they really listen to the rhythm of the Holy Spirit in your life!  As we met in October I cried the whole hour, which if you know me is not surprising (the Lord has made me incredibly sensitive)!  As we talked I told her how THANKFUL I was for this season of life.  We talked about the woman that wept at Jesus' feet... how her heart was so overwhelmed by the Glory of our God all she could do is weep in the presence of her  Savior. 

And so that is what I have done for the past few months... simply wept!

Now are all things perfect... CLEARLY No, but my goodness are things GOOD... Again and AGAIN I could scream AMEN!  I watch how my heart sees the blessings of each day unfold right before me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is the thing... I want to be marked, etched, molded with this season of my life!  I know there will be difficult things to come, but I can't wait to see who I am at the end of it.  I know that things will move and flow, there will be good and bad, but I want my moments to etched with the Lord.  Marked with His Favor, His Glory, His Gifts, and His Goodness!  Even in the sorrows and heartache of life, I want to remember all God has done for us, and through us! 

I have experienced deep gratitude in the moments that make up life... Moments that are made and shaped by experiences and people.  There are SOOOO many people in my life that are FOR me... FOR what God is doing... Cheering me on EVERY SINGLE step I take!  IF I sit back and think of HOW MANY PEOPLE are WITH ME I will cry again!  I am amazed as God has provided a team, an army of people who stand with me.  From dear friendships, roommates, blogging helpers, financial overlords, bosses, Capernaum leaders and buddies, neighbors, sisters, brothers, teachers, co-workers, and my fabulous family near and far!  An army of people who have continued to whisper encouragement to me in different ways, but each voice is saying WHAT IS TRUE, What is ROOTED in Love, and WHAT is worth Celebrating and STICKING to!!!

It is with this army of people my heart is turned to Gratitude!  There is Boundless Goodness to life, and I want to live in that spirit!

Today I want to see EACH person, place, and thing with eyes of GRATITUDE!  With a thankful spirit that sees where God is leading!!!

I am looking with a heart that YEARNS for God to Show UP bigger than I can imagine, and at each corner I wait expectantly before God to CRY OUT THANK YOUUUUUU!!!!!!   

And with that I have started a Gratitude Jar... (Yep, thank you Andrew Shuffett!!!)  Andrew tagged me in this post on Facebook explaining the Gratitude Jar!  I can't WAIT to fill this thing with an attitude of gratitude!  Soooo this next year I will write ALL the things I am grateful for down and next Thanksgiving I will open this Jar!

Want to JOIN me... soooo far it is SOOOOO FUN!!!!

Cheers to the Boundless Goodness our God Gives!!!  Happy Thanksgiving to YOU and your Family!!!

Why Forgiveness is REALLY Hard for Me!!!

This post might be a little toooo truthful, but it is what I am wrestling with lately!

I hate forgiveness!!!  Yep, this might sound strange and a tad bit dramatic, but gosh in total honesty some days I really do!!!

Forgiveness.  This theme has been running through my life the past few months or years more likely, years.  Recently, I was invited to speak at the EverGreen Women's Retreat in February, and guess the requested topic?  You got it, FORGIVENESS!!!  WHAT are the chances???  Haha, I think God is clearly up to something!!!

Here is where my fight with forgiveness sits today...

I understand we need to forgive.  In fact, I want to forgive!  I am an advocate for forgiveness!!!  Especially when I am the one asking for forgiveness from others... My prayer is that it would be extended QUICKLY!!!  WHY wouldn't they forgive me, I AM truly sorry???!!!

However, there are times I simply want to be mad.  Some days I feel like I just GET to be mad.  Things are not fair, they are not easy, people are difficult, and so many instances, things can feel not right... I want to hold on to my anger, my frustration, and cling tightly to my own strange permission to be as mad as I CAN be!

I want to shout, "I am Soooooo HURT!!!"  Not at the actual person... THAT would be embarrassing and I would like people to think I am more mature than that, Haha.  But scream that inside my own room... Scream into my pillow... Not loud enough for anyone to actually hear me.  I can be mad, just me in my room, alone... (Well, Mason and Milo are great listeners!)  As if that does something?  Or changes anything?  

But I do it, I hold that forgiveness tight.  Clutched in my hands!

Why do I feel this way?  Maybe it's because I feel like I own the feeling, or I have some sort of control over it.  Like riding the Teacups at Disney World... Once you sit down, you can't stop, can't pull back, and can't get off the ride.  I get to stay mad.  I get to stay hurt.  AND I own that feeling... I spin in that feeling.  I can't own any other part, but that.  So while everything else spins, this feeling is mine.  Especially, when we are talking about offering forgiveness to someone that does not ASK for it.  Emily mentioned that last week at Bible Study... that is the hardest forgiveness to extend when one does not wait on an apology.

The feeling that every time that person's name is mentioned a little anger rises within you, and more frustration.  The feeling that you could just crush what happened to you with your pinky finger because that is how powerful your anger feels.  It is a deep down, subtle, strange feeling, but when it comes out... It is obvious.  Your chest tightens, and you are more aware of your facial expressions... Not letting anyone see what is REALLY going on inside of you!  No one else knows, but you know.  You know what they did to you, said to you, and ultimately the pain they have caused you!!!

AND then there is the tugging... the nudge of what IS true and what IS real... it is there where I am STUCK.

I was brushing my teeth the other week, and I was genuinely GRATEFUL for my life!  (That has been another theme lately in my life, deep gratitude which I will talk about Wednesday).  As I was brushing, a conversation from earlier that day started to replay in my head.  We had been talking about how God is showing us ways our heart is not fully His... God started to list a variety of other ways my heart needs repairing... WAYS He is challenging me to be MORE like Him!!!  IN attitude, in heart, in spirit... ways that when I had been wounded I would rather wallow in that than forgive...  OR replay conversations in my head making sure I said the right thing, and then being upset if I didn't... (Yes, I am a work in progress!!!) 

I want my heart to be FULLY His!  Fully His in ALL things!

The truth I cling to, in the midst of figuring out how you let pain go, is Sweetly this... Jesus sees us!!!

This summer I was speaking at a Young Life Camp, and on Day 4 when I give the Cross talk I always mention Judas and his relationship with Jesus.  It shocks me EVERY time what Judas trades to betray Jesus, and every single time my heart aches for Jesus.  As I was speaking this July, I heard the Lord whisper so very clearly to me... "I know what it is like to be betrayed, to be stabbed in the back, to be less than cared for, but my darling dear... IF I can forgive... IF I Can FORGIVE... And it cost me my very life..."

It was clear as day!  IF THE GOD of the UNIVERSE CAN FORGIVE... I mean COME On!!!  I was speaking out loud, but was having an internal dialogue with Jesus about my own life, my own stupidity.

The nudge is the subtle reminder to be like Jesus.  That I am reminded of ALL my God has forgiven me for.  Forgiven Freely!!!  I am gently reminded to let go.  To let it all go.  See clinging to this anger gives me a feeling of ownership, but REALLY our God says, "Give me that pain, that anger, that hurt... Let me turn that into joy, forgiveness, love for enemies, and REDEEM what is broken!!!"

See the simple TRUTH of this whole forgiveness deal for me is that God sees it.  He SEES us!  He knows!!!  I mean isn't that the ONE Thing we need... FOR The God of the Universe to SEE OUR PAIN, to know our pain, and to be WITH US in that pain!!!  To continue to give my hurt to the Lord, and have him turn that into forgiveness, grace, and mercy.  I can't possibly do it on my own.  Without the God of the Universe nudging me to wholeness in Him alone.  

It is a choice I make daily.  To continue to give up the anger, hurt, disappointment, and to rest in the GRACE of Jesus!  It might take days, weeks, months, or even years to get to the point where when someone's name is mentioned we don't clutch to our forgiveness as a prize to be won by that person.  Instead, daily can we learn to offer it freely to Jesus one courageous step at a time!  AND He is in that WITH US!!!

I want to be mad, I get to be mad... Yes, that is my human emotion.  But now, I commit to the challenge of seeing the ones that have hurt me the way that Jesus sees them, my roommate and dear friend Audry reminded me of this truth in July.  IT IS NOT EASY... and many days I need a re-do, but goodness I want my heart to be freed up to love instead of living in anger!  I want my heart to be MORE His and like HIS in ALL things, and that means in the way I see others!!!  IN the way I cry to the Lord, and extend open hands of grace, mercy, and forgiveness.  It makes me more like my God to simply try to love!

"In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and He answered by setting me free." Psalm 118:5

I want the Lord to set me free!

What about you???  How is your heart shaped by forgiveness???

I want to learn... I want to be better at this because I want to forgive the way my God does!!!

So today maybe it is a love/hate relationship with forgiveness!!!!!

5 Things from Storyline!!!

"THERE he is... " and she was off!!!

Yep, my friend Emily RAN after Donald Miller.  Yes, Ran.  Yes, THE Donald Miller!  It was the most amazing 45 second unrehearsed speech I have ever heard!  She was out of breath and managed to not only get a picture with him... but also told him ALL about our friend Kristen who loves him, how I should speak at Storyline in the future, and most of all that we were thankful for the experience.  ALL while running backwards!  Haha, IT was AMAZING to watch!  I trotted behind nervous and grateful she took the lead!  I am always thankful when she takes the lead... I trust that gal pal!

Emily is one of my people… I met her in college, she was riding in a trunk on her way to the Admin building at Michigan State University.  Yep, she was in a trunk!!!  The details are fuzzy, but I remember being picked up and then remember seeing someone riding in the trunk of the small SUV.  Emily jumped out quickly when we pulled up to the building, and I don't remember  much else from that freshman year meeting!  But our friendship had to start somewhere, and that's as good a starting point as any!

There's been a lot of life between that car ride and now, and this is what I know today... You want Emily in your corner… She seeks justice, is an advocate for the people she loves, will fight someone for you (she hasn't, but I believe she would!), encourages, asks great questions, very creative, incredibly funny, a moment maker,  is VERY bold in her beliefs of people and the Lord… And is a REALLY fast walker!!!  (She is also my Editor and Chief... Haha, Yep, I call her that!)

Emily wrote me an email about the Storyline Conference asking if I was interested in going with her.  It feels good to be known, and Emily knew it would be something I could benefit from in this new chapter of my life!

I had heard about the conference before, and knew who Donald Miller was, and was familiar with a few of the other speakers!  INCLUDING Scott Hamilton… I used to LOVE to watch figure skating and I thought he was the coolest!  I remember being on roller blades in my basement trying to do jumps, and not really landing anything THAT impressive!!!  BUT man when I would bow, it was a bow worthy of the Olympics. 

We decided to drive to Chicago… Road trips with friends you know well are good for the soul.  It involves a variety of inside jokes, songs, updates on life, and the silence that makes both of you totally comfortable!

As we pulled up to our hotel, that looked more like a Senior Citizen Center/Retirement Community (granted we opted for the cheapest hotel and passed ALL of the nicer ones on the road to ours) we just looked at each other and laughed--the place literally didn't even have a front door!  Not to mention, also (and very unfortunately),  smelled like bbq hot dogs and cleaning supplies.  Yep, not the smell you want to sleep in!  I laughed hard.  I love that laughter!  No words, but you both know what the other is thinking!  We laughed a lot!!!

Our Halloween Costumes... Given to us by Storyline!!!

I didn’t really have any grand expectations for the Storyline conference, but knew that God would meet us if we were available!  I saw SO many unexpected faces which always makes strange places seem more welcoming… AND I was so encouraged by the two days in Chicago.  I am still processing much of the content, and with the aid of the workbook believe that much of it will continue and become more clear.  I have written more in the past few weeks than ever before too.  It has been an unfolding of memories, truth, and stories!  I will continue to process, and I think much of my writing in the next few weeks will be a result of my time at Storyline.

HERE are the 5 Things I Do Know leaving Storyline…

1. Everyone has a Story—It’s true.  Each person we encounter has a challenge, has a victory, is TRYING, and is probably in need of a little encouraging.  Every person is more than we see at a first glance... and every person has a story!
2. There is an Excuse for Everything— I mean REALLY!  I don’t to run today it is too cold, I can’t possibly write today my brain is foggy, I got distracted by how messy the basement closet was, no one will care if I'm there or not… And On and On… WHAT is your excuse?  What keeps you from trying what you think is ridiculous, but could be amazing?  From showing up?  From simply risking???  What keeps you from being MORE of your true self?  
3. Self Judgment can Freeze You— At Storyline there were breakout groups that took place over the two days.  I am actually a very shy person when it comes to groups of people I don’t know well (which is surprising to some people), but I would rather melt into the wall then be noticed… AND when you have hair like mine that is NOT easy!  I was asking Emily which breakout she was going to, thinking I would just go with her.  There was an improv breakout I was intrigued by, but also wanted to avoid.  Emily said she thought that would be best for me, and I sheepishly agreed.  We parted ways, and as I walked into the room I was surprised how UNCOMFORTABLE I felt.  Tripp Crosby, who led the seminar, began to talk about our own internal dialogue and self-judgment.  I quickly realized that is what I was dealing with.  What I am usually dealing with!  My own self-judgment gets in the way.  It freezes me, makes me insecure, isolates, and in many moments keeps me from truly living!  THIS thinking gets in the WAY!  It stops me... Halts me in my tracks and makes me second guess who I am!  Standing frozen in my internal dialogue and doubt.  I hate that feeling, but it is all too familiar and dare I say comfortable!!!
4. Next Brave Step— I want to walk confidently because God is in front of me.  I want to be brave in the way I live!  As a born worrier that is actually harder than you would think!  I keep asking for God to make me BRAVE... I want to live with a sense of courage!  I want to risk, to not look back, and I want God to be WITH me in those moments.  I have started to ask God, "what is my next brave step?"  The problem with that question is He answers!  In many ways with my new job I am living my next brave step... AND what a BEAUTIFUL next step I am experiencing!  But it is scary too.  The simple truth is that it is one step... One more step today than I made yesterday.  I want to day dream about WHO I desire to be, and then boldly ask God if that is what He wants!!!  Take sacred steps with my God!  I want my armor to be that of Jesus, and my courage like something I picked up from the Wizard of Oz... So Courageous that I get a medal... like the Lion wears around his neck, with that curly hair, at the end of the movie!!!
5. You Want a Friend like Emily… A friend that journeys with you!  Who knows what is good for you, asks you to risk more than you want to, and continues to remind you what is best and true about who you are!!!  Do you have someone like this?  Prompting you to be more authentic today than you were yesterday?  Reminding you that challenge can be  GOOD in some cases, and nudging truth at every corner!

Where is God prompting? Leading? What is your next bold step towards more of your True Self?  What do you day dream about?  Lets get those excuses, judgments, and nervous feet out of the way.  Friends, lets start running towards adventure, truth, and deepest joys!  Where the stories of life unfold when we start to risk!!! 

If you need a little help… Just get an Emily on your side!

Do You Show Up???

(I have been working on my post from the Storyline Conference, but wanted to share this interaction today.)

I can't stop thinking about Kathy... Or Cathy... I don't actually know!

I was flying home from a Beeeeautiful wedding in Carillon Beach Sunday morning, and as I boarded the flight, might I add VERY early flight, I was looking forward to sleeping for the 45 minute quick trip to Atlanta to catch my connecting flight.  I purposely don't buy coffee on that first leg because I was thinking, "YESSSSS, THIS is when I sleep again!"

I got a little panicky because the gate agent made an announcement about a full flight which is EVERY standby passengers worst nightmare!  To which at that point, I had to talk myself out of really entertaining the idea of driving to Atlanta... I mean REALLY how much would that cost?  And the rental car places aren't open until 7am, and at that point I should just wait for the 7:25am flight (and on and on)!  I took VERY deep breaths and lovingly reminded myself that it was going to be okay, and driving to Atlanta seemed a little premature at 5:30AM! 

BUT I DID get a seat!  I always do a little dance walking down the jetway, and onto the plane... Smiling because IT HAPPENED!!!  (IF you fly standby often you know what I mean!)

I settled into my seat next to a very nervous flyer on the right!!!  I actually texted her husband, per her request, to tell him she was on the plane (her phone was not working!)  It is the first time I have ever texted, "Hey Bae," and double checked that it was what we were actually saying to her hubby!

I laughed and told her I have never actually texted anyone that before!  She seemed surprised, but explained what Bae meant.  I didn't need a lesson, but it was funny to hear someone literally say, "He is my Before Anyone Else!"

It was after that interaction I noticed the woman across the aisle from me was crying.  I was not sure if it was the crying that is from nerves or something else so I decided to let it go for a few minutes.  She continued to weep.  

As I listened to her continue to cry, I leaned over and said to her, "What is your name?"

"Kathy" or "Cathy"... (We will go with Kathy), she replied.

"Are you a nervous flyer too Kathy?" I asked.

With tears streaming down her face she said softly, "I got a call at midnight last night that my son died.  I am on my way to South Bend.  My other son is awaiting a heart transplant, I always worry about him, but never this son... Never this son."

I reached across the aisle, and placed my hand on her shoulder.  I told her I would pray.  I left my hand on her shoulder for awhile.  And then I just listened.  She had photos with her, and talked about his daughter.  I watched passengers and flight attendants rally around her giving hugs, water, and kleenex.  And Kathy cried.  She sat and cried.  I cried.  It was one of the hardest 45 minutes I have experienced with a stranger.  Where does one see hope in such grief, and shock too?  

I realized in these situations we can’t do much.  Offer a shoulder, extend our condolences, prayers, and listen, but we can’t change it.  We can’t make it different.  Kathy knew that.  What she was looking for were people.  People to tell her story to, to cry with, and to share who her son was and who she had dreamed he would be.  

I've spent a lot of time thinking about Kathy this week, and continue to pray for her as she endures this trial.  My short 45 minutes on that plane from Panama to Atlanta reaffirmed a truth for me.  We have to keep showing up for each other.  I mean truthfully, showing up with every ounce of broken, mess, chaos, agenda driven lives!!!  Show up for our best friends, and for our strangers!

It is one of my favorite things about Jesus... He was present, He showed up, and He sat in the pain, the mess, the confusion, and let people TELL their stories!!!  I love His interaction with the woman at the well because he simply showed up.  He was present, available, and open!  Where is God challenging me to live this way... Out in the real world?

For every person we encounter we get to be Jesus in those moments.  The Holy Spirit lives in us, it is Christ through us that gives hope, peace, comfort, and love.  I think it's not so much in the words we speak, but HOW we live!  Showing up knowing wherever we go each person we encounter is a loved creation from our God!  

Who in your life could use you to show up today?  Who is the stranger in the grocery aisle, nail salon, coffee line, the employee at Costco who simply needs you to be present?  It is a GREAT honor to be used by the Lord in these tender moments.  To be used in a place where life feels too messy, and ALL somebody wants is to be heard!

Don’t stop showing up… Even if there are no words, sometimes all it takes is a reach across the aisle!!!

Who Are Your People???

"The most Sacred Invitation is the People God Sent Her..." Glennon Melton

(Heard her speak at Storyline... We will talk about that on Friday!)

I like invitations!  I had 3 Weddings in 3 Weeks… Yes, October 3rd, 10th, and 17th… Yes, all Friday Nights… Yes, ALL in the month of October!!!  I was a bridesmaid in two and officiated one!  Wedding Invitations are spectacular... So intricate and so many details on SUCH a tiny card!

It was VERY busy... 3 Weeks of dresses, makeup, nails, toasts, delicious food, and Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off".  3 Weeks of Family and Friends I simply could not get enough of spending valuable time with.  When I would tell people I had 3 Weddings in 3 Weeks they usually say... "Wow, how expensive!!!"  Yes, a busy and an EXPENSIVE  3 Weeks!!!  

BUT I wouldn’t trade it… I wouldn’t trade watching people I LOVE fall deeper into love with each other, and make commitments for life!!!  For a life you can't predict, for a life journey where you are able to say to one another... "We are IN this!"  We are in this when it is wonderful, painful, hard, easy, breaking, and celebrating... We are In THIS!!!  The Vow to be IN This Together.

I am not married, but after celebrating LOVE for three weeks straight... (AND I have one more WONDERFUL wedding this weekend!!!) I have realized a few things over my Wedding Palooza time...  

1. I LOVE to dance!!!  All songs... My feet hurt the next day, but the good hurt that says, "Goodness I LOVE dancing!"

2. I LOVE free glasses of wine!!!  Yep, red and white.

3. I WILL cry... ALWAYS... YES, ALWAYS when the bride walks down the aisle!  

4. Being part of someone's day is Special... It's an honor to stand beside them and witness vows to a LIFE together!!!  It's an honor to KNOW someone, to pray for their marriage, and to be invested in their future... IT IS an honor to stand to speak to sit... To witness what God gives to us in the bond of marriage!

5. We all have OUR People!!!

Jon and Sara... Both with No H!!!  A great honor to officiate their wedding!

We all have people.  We all HAVE OUR people.  I think it is strangely comforting to continue to say that statement... there is the funny one who adds humor to every troubling situation (like when your wedding rings are safe in your hotel room and not at your wedding ceremony)!  There is the problem solver, and the quiet one who lets those around him or her shine… There is a truth teller, the friend to ALL, and the one who has so many sides it is fascinating to know them more as their adventure continues!  The one who challenges you, and the one with a courage you admire (that also scares you at times)!  The ones you can sit for hours watching tv, laughing, talking, and feeling known, and the ones who ask pointed questions to KNOW you more!

We ALL have Our People!

My Beautiful Friend Katie on Her Wedding Day!!!

As I traveled in October it was a quiet whisper, God gives us each other... It is His blessing, and His design.  Really, the God of the Universe wants us to journey together... I think it is the way He makes us better, learning to serve one another, adding to what IS and what CAN BE!!!  Seeing all of His glory in His creation, His people, HIS Tov Meod!!!  It is the Lord's invitation to be WITH Him, and to see more of Him here on Earth!  We don't have to make journey home alone.  This IS God's GREAT design!

We have people… We have people by the grace of God!

And as I reflect on my people, they all say, "WE are IN This!!!"  

No matter what stage of life you are in... single, married, divorced, widowed... Who are the people that say to you, "WE are IN This"???  That vow to stand next to you, to whisper WHO you are, and remind you on the days that seem darker than others what is True!  Who are the ones that remind you to keep showing up JUST as you are??? 

Tell them today... We don't do that enough.  

I love MY people!!!  They are a sacred invitation to journey together, and I vow to be IN this with them!!!  

Pace in HIS Presence!!!

Today what I am mostly longing for is my bed... Do you have those days?  Where a forbidden nap sounds like the best way to fill your afternoon, but your list of Must-Do and Should-Have-Done-A-Week-Ago is continuing to pile all around you!

Well, this is what I woke up to this morning and I HAD to take a picture.

Snuggle Doodles in the Morning!

I want to snuggle in and sleep the day away because the fall season contains moments of pure  exhaustion, busy schedules, and a ready-to-retreat mentality... YES, some of those things feel true today, but mostly I am in AWE of WHO God is, and what HE ALONE is doing!!!  The Lord is showing up, and He is SHOWING Off!!!  And as completely inviting as a nap sounds I crave that more!

People ask me before I speak if I still get nervous… The short answer is HECK YES!!!  Are YOU kidding me???  I would like to fall into a hole when I think about speaking or being in front of people!  Honestly, every.SINGLE.time.  Before I do anything in front of a group, I imagine ALL of the things that could happen to make the whole "getting on stage thing" disappear... TRULY!!! 

At a Young Life Banquet this past week I was pacing (yes, I am a pacer)... It helps me center myself in the Lord... I am reminded of truth, grace, and love as I pace circles in public places, bathrooms, behind stage, or closets... Really wherever I can find (I truly can't sit still before I speak).  God's truth washes over me as I pace.  I ask repeatedly that He would be WITH me, that I would Hear His Voice, and that this would be for His Glory!  On this night, pacing around in my circle, I saw the fire alarm RIGHT in front of me... There was a very serious part of me that thought about just PULLING that thing!  My immediate NEXT thought was... Can I go to jail for that???  I mean we would HAVE to Evacuate!  People would panic, and I could slip out the back... Right???  Driving away at a VERY high rate of speed I could just give the talk to MYSELF in the car... It's practically the SAME thing... RIGHT LORD???  

At the very moment my imagination was starting to run WILD... which tends to happen pretty frequently... and in the midst of my swirling thoughts, a woman approached me and asked if my hair was Real (a question I get MORE often then you would think is humanly possible)...

I quickly said, "Yes, naturally curly, red, and huge!"  I laughed, and so did she. 

And then I looked right to the Lord and said, "I see YOU"... I see you Jesus, pulling me right back to YOU!  God says to EACH of us I have DESIGNED YOU... I, the LORD, have created YOU!  FOR GOOD Works... Now be courageous WITH ME!  

It sounds strange, a woman asking about my hair reminded me WHO was Lord of my life, but truly I could see God in that interaction, sweetly whispering to me, "I am Here. YOU, Kelsey, are Mine!  DESIGNED with hilarious, giant, red, curly hair... USED for MY GLORY, My GOODNESS Here on Earth!  NOW GO!!!  Be COURAGEOUS!!!"

I have spoken 6 times in the past 8 days... And EACH time my heart pounds and I want to sink slowly into a place where I am not seen, not heard, not known!  And then at some point I WATCH Jesus show up!!!  At that moment I feel the loss of pressure to perform, and instead the JOY of being invited to stand NEXT to my God... and listen to what He has to say!!!  It happens differently every time, but IT happens. 

In Joshua 1:9, the Lord says, "This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

I want to live in that tension... That in EVERY way, and in EVERY single thing I do I NEED God to show up that BIG!!!  I need to trust God WITH ALL I am!  I desire to live in every moment WITH Courage I cannot possibly do this without Him, and I wouldn't dare try!

Today would you pray WITH me that God continues to show up... that God shows off... that WE would be AWARE of His presence today!  That in His Calling to be COURAGEOUS we wouldn't just RUN to fire alarms, but instead we would pace in His presence!

I will also pace in His Presence in Nature... Looks funny doing circles in our backyard!

Pacing in His Presence is WHAT God is calling, asking, challenging us to do WITH Him!!!  Seeking HIS face first... I am designed and created to share... that does not mean there is an absence of fear, but instead I stand FIRM on my Foundation that God is WITH Me, FOR Me, and has gone AHEAD of Me!   

What does that look like for you???

Where do you see the uniqueness of YOU standing next to the God that has made you for THAT very reason???  Fearful maybe, but seeking Courage to STAND NEXT to the God of the Universe!

Dear Friend, I will pray for US today that we will LIVE in such a courageous way where WE Need GOD, and celebrate WHEN He shows UP and CLEARLY Shows OFF!!!

After all, that's when Pacing in His Presence quickly TURNS to DANCING!!! 

Where do You Hurt???

The ONLY downside to travel is that I always leave TWO VERY important Doodle Dogs BEHIND!!!  Mason and Milo TOGETHER weigh about 160 pounds so they usually can’t go anywhere WITH me… It’s like taking TWO mini horses along!  BUT I always take a picture of them before I go... YES, that is a little known fact about me!  My phone is FILLED with pictures JUST like the one above!  Their sweet faces and me...  Well, me walking out the door!!! 

When I return home… I know walking up the driveway I can hear Mason first.   He uses this very specific Cry-Bark when I return, and then I see Milo, who holds Mason's tail while they RUN around the house!  Yes, Milo holds on to Mason’s tail!  He does it everywhere, the groomer, the vet, our backyard, and at the dog park… They are REALLY funny Doodle Brothers!!!

And if you know me even a LITTLE... You know I LOVE these goofy, BIG, hilarious, doodle dogs!

I mentioned Mason’s foot pad fell off of one of his toes… See ever since Mason was a baby he was an “Old Man Dog”!  He has a sensitive heart and an old soul… Watching Mason I wish he would whimper, limp, or bark in pain… Mason does NONE of these things!!!  In fact, the only REAL reason I knew he was hurting was when I saw him licking his paw… HE NEVER licks his paws... TaDA... DOG Mom to the RESCUE!!!

I had returned home from a trip, and I saw him paying extra attention to his back foot.  I lifted up his foot and saw it was swollen… and I will SPARE you all of the gaaarrrooosss details, but I knew based on the exposed skin, and bleeding from one of his toes, (YES, dogs have toes) something was not quite right... Soooo I moved into Dog Mom Mode!!!

We poured Hydrogen Peroxide on it... Yes, it Stung AND he did NOT like it!!!  I bandaged his foot (YES, I bandaged it... Practically a DOG Doctor I AM!!!), and then took him to the Vet in the morning.  AND of course, WHILE crying, I asked the vet about 4 times if she thought he was dying… (Yes, when Mason leaves this Earth it will be WORSE than "Marley & Me", so I simply need to be prepared and ask that probably WAY too much!!!)

Mason needed more help than licking his paw for it to properly heal, and as of right now he is not allowed to be out on walks with Milo and I... It is horrible leaving the house without him and hearing him CRY as we walk away!!!  

BUT that got me to thinking… What wounds am I pretending will heal???  What parts of me are raw, exposed, and in need of aid!  What parts of my life do I think simply managing on my own, by myself will change, will go away, will be something of the past?  I want to continue to grow and heal... I desire EACH day to be MORE WHOLE... More of the ME God has intended!!!

But what actually brings healing to the deepest parts of us?  I think I used to be more like Mason, trying to heal myself by licking my own wounds. 

Every example I see of Jesus, He is interacting with those that are hurting... Afraid, Unsure, Unsettled, and in Pain!  His interactions are full of truth and grace.

Over the last two years I think God has been restoring and healing parts of me He needed to make different... He needed to change... He wanted to have me SURRENDER to HIM.

These are 3 Simple Truths I have found to make a WHOLE and more HEALED Person!!!

1. Talk to Someone YOU Trust—I cannot tell you what a gift it has been to seek out several people in my life who are MUCH wiser than me to direct me, pray for me, and help me navigate the desperate moments of life, and the joyful ones!  TALK to someone… A third party person who has no stake in the game!  Who wants you to be AUTHENTIC and be YOU!  These folks  for me are TRUSTED, Respected, and LOVE Jesus!  They point me to Jesus, Back to the TRUE Me, and THEN Back to Jesus again!!!  I have found incredible healing by being challenged and encouraged by TRUSTED people!  For me these people have been Counselors, Spiritual Directors, and Mentors.  All people I respect and deeply look up to in faith and character!  Ask at church, or trusted older friends in your life, to direct you to someone that might be able to get you in touch with a person like this!
2. Be honest about what YOU Need— Don’t apologize for the boundaries in life that help you be healthy.  I am lame, I go to bed early, and I love the mornings.  It helps me… I need time alone, and time with people.  That helps me be authentic... Now, I am not saying I can’t stay up late EVERY ONCE in awhile, but I plan, I prepare, and I know in advance when those are going to be.  It helps me.  I know my needs and my limits, and it's a constant process of fine tuning to find proper balance in both.  YOU might be different about what you need, but whether you think it is simple or complex, don’t be ashamed or afraid to own WHO you are in the presence of others… DO WHAT You Need and Say what You Need!!!  Be AUTHENTICALLY You!
3. Our God is the GREAT Healer— There is a song I LOVE right now from the Transforming Community, and I continue to sing  any chance I get… "He is Able".  See, our God is ABLE in the midst of pain, confusion, bandages, and experiences that hurt us, to SEE US and TRANSFORM US!!!  Our God is ABLE To do more than we could EVER ask or Imagine!!!  {EPH 3:20} TELL GOD what part of your life YOU need healing from, be BOLD in asking Him to transform you!  He is ABLE to meet us in those places!  Surrender to God the deepest parts of YOU, and watch HIM move in your heart and in your life.  He CAN and WILL do that!  Continue to seek God FULLY and honestly... Ask God to bring LIFE into the places that are dead, raw, exposed, and wounded!  Our God is FOR us... YOU, my friends, are not alone!

Healing is part of living, but never stop sharing, being You, and asking God to come into the places that HURT the most!!! 

We CAN trust our God… Even if it stings a little!!!